I thought once I stopped shooting heroin that it was over, the whole nightmare ended. Not even close, there is so many "medications" that doctors write Rx's for that addiction is like a dog barking at my door. Every time I'm in pain, I have to weigh the chances of getting addicted to it or not. Unfortunately after back surgery, gone wrong, I have no choice but to take narcotics or be in pain, that's it. If I could take them "as perscribed" then I wouldn't be an addict would I. I hate when people say "all you have to do is" take them the way you are supposed to. I can't! It's fucking impossible. I feel doomed to be a junkie forever. In fact it's cheaper to buy heroin than pay for my meds. So when I take too many pain pills, I then run out of them before I can get some more, so I have to either by some off the street or be sick. Can't be sick, it's just too time consuming. I have to keep straight to function thru daily life. So here I am stuck in a junkie world spinning, from pills, to dope, to shooting pills, to trying to quit, and getting more and more fucked up in the process. I won't stop trying but it sure the fuck sucks living like this, making sure I have enough meds to make it thru till the next refill. I can't catch up, I can't stop, and I know I need to "just quit", but damn, I pray for the strength, for another day.
I hate being a junkie!!!
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